What this blog is; and what it is not...sort of. ADHD and Anxiety/depression update.

I have ADHD. And I've had it for a while...
I also have pretty severe anxiety, for which I've been medicated for around 6 years. I got that diagnosis around the time my second kid (child, not a goat) was born. 

I don't know how often you've been checking in on this blog or if there even is anyone who one could consider a regular reader. But anyone who has read this blog can tell that I have a hard time staying focused on--pretty much anything. 

Every few months I come on here and I make some sort of declaration about the things that I'm going to be posting on this blog or on some random Instagram account. When I write those posts I've usually made some crazy decisions with very little actual planning about where my life would be headed as you will see by the Instagram screenshots that I'll include in this post.

That's my "fitness" account

It's frustrating because these "manias" (for lack of a better word) aren't limited to my online presence.

This is my "art" account 

This is my poetry/writing account

This one has actually managed to gain a bit of a following. Though, I'm not sure how. 

This is the one that I started to tiktok and Twitch

This is the most recent one and people keep following me despite the fact that I'm not doing much. I should probably keep up this one.

Anyways. It's frustrating because some of these do well until I give up and forget about it for several months. And then when I get back into posting on these accounts I'm not as good at whatever I was doing. So, every few months I would regain an interest in something but I then have to relearn 98% of what I had learned already. 

Sorry, I just got really distracted about the fact that my sprinkler system is screwed up again and I wish that I didn't live in Utah because sprinkler systems are stupid. I'm really tired.

I think that I was beginning this post to talk about medication and ADHD and stuff...I think that I got a little off track.

It's more obvious to me than ever that I have ADHD. Besides the fact that I regularly misplace my wallet and keys, at least 4 or 5 times per day I will go to do something or my kids will ask for something and a few minutes later, I have completely forgotten about it. 

The severity of the symptoms come and go. Some days are better than others.

One of the problems seems to be that it was probably partially controlled by my severe anxiety. Most of my motivation for completing tasks in school and apparently, at work was provided by fear of repercussions. I have been happier since beginning the sertraline (generic Zoloft) but I think that's when the ADHD symptoms started to get worse. 

I'm currently taking 150 mg of sertraline. I prescribed 200 mg but I haven't had time to go to my therapist or psychiatrist since I was laid off in February.

I reduced my dosage and informed my psychiatrist that I was doing so because all of the ADHD meds either make me depressed and anxious, make me excessively tired, or they don't do anything. I'm trying to see if reducing the Zoloft will allow some of my old ability to focus and get things done to resurface. I feel like maybe it's helping but I think that I've been a little crabbier. It could all be in my mind but I've been on 150mg for several weeks. 

Now that I'm typing this maybe I will go back up to 200 mg (the maximum dose) and just try to take the ADHD meds less often. 

Anyways...This is where I would make some grand and sweeping statements about what's going to happen on this blog from now on--and I do have some ideas. But the idea of doing that again, and then not following through is...just a little exhausting. 

Anyways--If you've made it this far, I want to tell you two things. 

1. Will someone please tell me how to make an em-dash in blogger? I've used ellipses incorrectly in a number of places. And. It's. Killing me.

2. Go check out this much better writer. 


Goodnight everybody.